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His Bottle WentExterior - Day - A bright sunny day on a river
VINCE
"Look if we try and change places out here in the middle the boat could overturn I can't swim so we could both drown" PENNY
"Yes but I can swim" VINCE
"Not we me hanging around your neck you can't" Penny rows over to a nearby pub. Exterior - Day - A pub beer garden
VINCE
"Did He ? What did he want ?" PENNY
"He wanted to see me" VINCE
"Well send him a picture" PENNY
"Graham wants to discuss a problem over their divorce in a restaurant called 'Fieldings' in Lambourne" VINCE
"What do you men all of us?" PENNY
"He invited you as well" Penny imagines the scene will get nasty and despite Vince's protestations or tagging along for moral support she does not want him there PENNY
"I don't want any trouble - I couldn't bear the thought of you being hurt" VINCE
"Me being hurt ? - Are you kidding ? I've got a cup for boxing indoors" PENNY
"You've got a cup for boxing ? Bet you won that in a game of cards" Vince will not be talked out of the meeting and Penny warns him that it will be difficult PENNY
"I can just imagine his creepy little smile - he'll call be darling and Hun and couchie" Vince is amazed that Penny ended up with such a person and Penny explains how she need a change from Vince when they broke up. Penny reminisces about they;re time together PENNY
"My life had seemed like a mad world - we were always at some club or party - In those days you were just plain daft. Not nearly as bad as you are now of course" VINCE
"absolutely" PENNY
"then all of a sudden came Graham - one minute I was engaged to a brain damaged Ice-cream vendor and the next I was managed to a very serious and painfully boring estate agent" Penny tells of the horror of married life and the sports Graham played. Vince's ears prick up when he hears hes a martial art expert VINCE
"was he good at all of them" PENNY
"he was captain of thew cricket team and used to teach judo at some private club"
PENNY
"The arguments had started anyway" VINCE
"What were the arguments about" PENNY
"Lots of things mainly his insane jealously" VINCE
"Jealousy of what" PENNY
"Well you" Penny expands about how the mere mention of Vince's name would cause Graham to fly into a rage and with her parents always mentioning Vince it never used to strop PENNY
"You weren't around so he took it out on me - I used to lie in bed and picture your face" VINCE
"so did I" Penny sorrowful and pretends she wants Vince to come to the restaurant. Vince having hear the about the Judo prowess and the stored anger against himself takes this opportunity to weasel out of it. VINCE
"Alright" Penny looks forlorn Exterior - Day - The Pinner's drive
PC
"I don't want to go round the world" LES
"Why not ?" PC
"Its boring" LES
"Have you ever travelled the world Clifford" PC
"Course not its boring" LES
"If your not thinking about travelling the world what are you playing with my globe" PC
"Well my mate says if you spin it fast enough and concentrate on it hard enough it makes you feel sick"
PC
"I didn't do it" Les reels of the things he has broken - an electric aerial - a garage door and his home computer LES
"His bloody Pacman ate my deposit account" Les tries to rationalize it LES
"He's developing one of them Oedipus complexes" RITA
"I don't care what he does as long as he loves his mum"
LES
"Afternoon number one son" RITA
"Do you think he's alright ?" LES
"Course not when's he ever been right" Interior - Day - Pinner HallsVince talks to his dad on the stairs drinking about the proposed meeting describing the family as VINCE
"Real nasty bits of work - well to do in the property game - upper middle class - regular church goers - cut your fingers off for a bent halfpenny" Vince hedges around the issue that he is scared VINCE
"I'm supposed to have a meal with a Dan who doesn't like me - flick of the wrist I could be doing a Frosby flop over the sweet trolley" The father has little sympathy LES
"I don't see what your worried about upstairs you've got a cup for boxing" VINCE
"I won that in game of brag" Vince explains that Penny has asked him not to go and that is what he aims to do LES
"She's just saying cos she's frightened you'll get hurt" VINCE
"Well for once in our lives we are in total agreement" Les braces him up LES
"A coward aint a person who feels fear a coward is a person who runs away from that fear" VINCE
"I'm not running away - I won't even be there" Les tells Vince a story about when he first opened up in the 'metal' game behind Reedbridge station and all went well until George Himbo a small time heavy who was sacked by the Kray brothers for being too violent. He decided to stand up to him instead of paying him off. He tells how he felt extra strength and courage in the fight LES
"George Himbo never came near or by the yard again - alright" PENNY
"Were you hurt" LES
"Hurt ? 3 months in a convalescent home 18 months before I could walk without a stick" Vince is not impressed with the moral tale the father expands the tale LES
"There were 4 of them he came mob handed - what chance did I have - you can have all the inner strength going but the bloke with the gang will always win. What I'm trying to say is sometimes you win by losing." VINCE
"You're telling a bookmaker you win by losing" Vince leaves contemplating as Rita calls out RITA
"Les - Cliffy been ill on the drive" Interior - Night - Fieldings Restaurant
PENNY
"Hello" GRAHAM
"Couchie" Graham is all smarmy and kisses her then pats her bottom GRAHAM
"I'll order us a drink" PENNY
"Gin and tonic" GRAHAM
"2 white wines please"
PENNY
"Don't call me couchie you make me sound like a panda" GRAHAM
"I've always called you couchie - couchie" Penny persists PENNY
"I have been know to answer to Penny" GRAHAM
"Ok Hun" Graham tries flattery calling her handsome PENNY
"what do you mean handsome" GRAHAM
"You've got a very good complexion and clear eyes" PENNY
"And look at my teeth - i sprained a fetlock earlier in the season but I seem to be over that now" Penny tries to calm down but despite having a year apart Graham still winds her up PENNY
"I'm not being hostile I'm just not in a very good mood that's all" GRAHAM
"I understand couchie its that funny old time of the month again" Penny resorts to Vince's level with bad puns and comebacks PENNY
"I know its a vegetarian restaurant Graham I noticed all the vegetables when I came in" Graham tells Penny he has become a Vegan to which Penny professes she is complete carnivorous PENNY
"I must have consumed a whole herd in the last 12 months" They swap stories about their respective mothers when the penny drops PENNY
"You called my mother ?" GRAHAM
"No she called me - we often have little chats I like to be kept posted - I worry about you" Penny realises her mother must have told him about Vince GRAHAM
"I don't know how you can even look at the worm let alone anything else" PENNY
"What's that supposed to mean anything else ?" Penny is getting very irate and Graham launches into the non appearance of Vince. Penny is so quick to defend him she puts her foot right in it PENNY
"Vincent has never run away from anything in his entire ... entire life" GRAHAM
"A lot of people would have thrown the wedding in your face but not me" Time passes as graham relates his cricketing tales Penny is slumped on the table. She wakes to bring round Graham to the subject of the divorce. It seems Graham's mother has become religious and will cut him out of his inheritance if he divorces Penny assures him in time he'll be back in but Graham has insider knowledge she is about to croak. Penny is not having any of it until Graham mentions turning the tables making the divorce a way to save the family name. GRAHAM
"If I as the innocent party were placed in such an intolerable situation that there was with no other course of action but a divorce then I'm sure mummy would come round to my way of thinking"
GRAHAM
"I divorce you on the grounds of adultery" PENNY
"Adultery .. its not true .. I swear to you Vince and I have not become lovers" Penny crosses her fingers as she lies to Graham - but he has had a private investigator from Romford follow them. He had been outside the house when the Warrender's went to Bournemouth and Vince and Penny had GRAHAM
"Sure enough you and Vince came up trumps" Penny is distraught as Graham gains the high ground. Suddenly in a moment of pure timing in walks Vince PENNY
"I thought you weren't coming" VINCE
"I wasn't but then I had a chat with my father and it made me feel a bit peckish" Penny is immediately concerned but her first thought is towards her dignity PENNY
"Don't say anything stupid" VINCE
"What do you take me for an idiot or something"
PENNY
"Vince this graham" GRAHAM
"Its a pleasure to meet you" VINCE
"Yes I suppose it must be" Vince tries to order a Hamburger but gets no joy so he settles for a Vegetarian brandy GRAHAM
"I'm a Vegan" VINCE
"You'd never guess it" GRAHAM
"Do you know what a Vegan is Vince ?" PENNY
"Of course he knows what a Vegan is don't you Vince" GRAHAM
"Absolutely - I never missed an episode of Star Trek" Graham leaves them alone pondering the adulterous pictures PENNY
"Hew wants me to admit adultery" VINCE
"With Me ?" PENNY
"Of course with you" Vince is unphased as Penny looks at the pictures VINCE
"This is just one man's word he needs more evidence than that" PENNY
"How about you and me standing semi naked at my bedroom window" VINCE
"Yeah that's more like it" PENNY
"Gods - Do you remember that man with the camera we thought he was an estate agent taking a picture of next door. Look at my hair its such a mess" VINCE
"Good one of me though" PENNY
"Did you know he was taking a picture of us ?" VINCE
"Of course not" PENNY
"But you're smiling" VINCE
"Well I had a lot to smile about" PENNY
"Why did you have to come to the window at that precise moment" VINCE
"You called me you said "come over to the window there's a guy here with a camera"" PENNY
"Well I wasn't to know what he was .. Ooh my hair" VINCE
"It still doesn't prove anything" PENNY
"It doesn't prove anything .. I am wearing nothing but a towel - you are wearing nothing but - you are wearing nothing" VINCE
"I've got a friend who works in a photographic studio I'd like to show him this" PENNY
"What you think the picture may have been tampered with ?" VINCE
"Now I'd just like to show him" As they try to some up with a plan Graham returns VINCE
"I don't want this being produced in court" PENNY
"Just Think what it will do to my mother" VINCE
"On second thoughts produce it in court see if we care" Penny gives in but Vince draws the line GRAHAM
"Either you start behaving like a gentleman or I'm going to take you outside and teach you some manners" PENNY
"He's been out on the river today the sun's been at his neck" Penny is distraught and Graham can't believe it GRAHAM
"I could maim you for life" VINCE
"You won't have a chance you'll be laid out like a carcass before you can say Mitsubishi" Graham rises to the challenge but can't understand why Vince wants to lose VINCE
"You're put me in bad mood Graham now come on I'm beginning to loose my patience" GRAHAM
"This is silly .. I've changed me mind I don't want to fight .. I haven't had my coffee" VINCE
"You shouldn't take liquids before any operation" Graham rescinds and apologises to Penny GRAHAM
"You have my word" VINCE
"And I have your address" Graham leaves pays for his meals and leaves the negatives Penny is amazed but Vince is in shock VINCE
"Pen I can't move" Exterior - Night - Outside Fieldings
VINCE
"His bottle went" |